Monday, 8 October 2012

Part 4

So this bring us to after the beating, well the ambulance took about a half hour this was Detroit mich so they were very busy, so they rushed me to like a clinic place because all the emergency rooms were packed it was the weekend but they were always packed at night, as I set there all full of blood everywhere my head was busted in 3 differen't places by the men and one place from the brick that my husband at the time tossed at the window to scare them and thank God cuz it did, that's probally what saved my life I have no doubt on that one, cuz when he was beating me I kept seeing all the blood on the ceiling and I said to him your gonna kill me and he kept beating, but that started my journey of hospitals and tests omg very painful tests and over 300 spinal taps to relieve the pressure off of my head, then they knew it was time to start putting shunts in and I said what are shunts, well they are tubes to drain the fluid, so every few months the head pain would come right back and I knew in my heart here we go again with another surgery, the messed up part for my daughter to spend time with her mom she had to stay weeks in the hospital with me just to see her mom, thats when I was getting to the point I was at like 32 surgeries and I knew when it was time the tell tell signs and after 37 of them and still sooo much pain I always know when I need one, do I need one know YES but will I get one NO, I am done no more shunts for me let the cards lye where lye and know there has been new medical issues do they have anything to do with the beating Yes I am sure of it but I don't have it in me to have anymore surgeries all together I have had 46 and I am done, Ok I am starting from the begining of my life when I was molested by my step dad and what seem to set my life for heartache and it still isn't right, do I feel cursed YES very much so I am afraid everything I touch or get close to die's and it keeps happening so of course I feel that way, I hope counseling which I am in now for the first time will help me put all this hell behind me and I can move on with my new husband of two years and be happy for once, damn everyone deserves to be happy I think?? stay tuned from me starting from scratch I left alot out due to famiy reading this but I have to let it all out to heal, thank everyone who is following me and reading my story it means alot to me, and if you think you can't make it just read my story I have been beat, raped, everyone around me dead, and I am still hanging on so stay strong you can do it, Debbie Monsinger.

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