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Monday, 27 August 2012

From the beginning of my life part 2

Oh wow did I cut loose, from a small town girl hits big city taylor michigan not far from detroit but it was the only friend my om could trust to not say where we were and he (my stepdad ) didnt know her ( my mom's friend ) so there was a arcade right down the street from where we were staying until my mom found a job and we got our own place, well I met all kinds of kids around my age and I was hanging around a group of kids going to the arcade every weekend and there was one guy that would not quit asking me out and I kept saying noooo well this went on for about a year then I caved and we started dating and by the time I turned 15 one night it went to far and yep I was pregnant omg my mom flipped out but it was what it was she said so we started planning for the baby and at 15 I guess  I was ore grown up then most my age so I thought I was ready I guess at that age we know it all but we don't!!!

So she let him move in which blew my mind but I was happy and excited and scared at the same time but I knew I had my mom no matter what but had no idea of what motherhood was all about but I found out real quick, which I was a very good mom and so in love with my child but my life as a teen was over no more fun no more nothing, but after awhile I learned I could take her to the beach with me and stuff like that, so when we were 19 we got married and life was good until?? he picked up drinking omg did he and we had moved and got our own place and my mom re-married herself since her life was on hold till my life was on track, we stay together for about 8 years and the last 3 years where hell, he was starting to excuse me of cheating on him and then when he was drunk he would knock me across the room and that was just not gonna happen I came from what felt like prison at times to another prison I wasn't allowed to go no where or have my friends over and if I did I got my ass beat, so I talked to my mom and of course she came and helped me pack. to be continued on part 2.

From the beginning of my life

This is from the start to Finnish.

My mother and Father were told they could never have children there was something wrong with my mom but my parents firmly believed in the Lord and the power of prayer , so for six years they payed and prayed and then they got the great news they were pregnant they told me that was the happiest day of there life and the saddest my mother had told my daddy she wanted a divorce (sad) the toll of trying to have a baby drained there marriage, so they got divorced when i was six weeks old but I never felt cheated they both got re-married and I spent time with both of them, I had the best mom and dad a person could have.

Over the years we lived in middletown ohio and I have half brothers and sisters which I spent alot of time with my little sister Kelly Hall we are three years apart in our age, and I was so happy so full of life and such a happy kid even though my mother was married to a real prick sorry but he was so mean but always so good to her and he was only mean to me when she wasn't around and of course I didn't want to tell her because she was so happy and other things were going on between him and I which I am not willing to talk about just yet and for my safety I think that's best he is involved in something real big which my mom didn't find out until i was 13 and when she found out she packed up the car and told me in the middle of the night to wake up we are leaving, and of course I knew deep down my mom must have found out what he was doing to me or something serious so I got up and got in the car with my mom.

Well we drove for a few hours then arrived at her friends house lorrraine and I crawled in a bed and went back to sleep,   when I woke up my mom set me down and told me that she found a bunch of baby cannons in the Attic and she said she asked him about them then he told her what he was involved in and my mom knew that was no life for a teenager to be around, so I remember hugging my mom and telling her I as sorry but I was thinking to myself thank God were out of there, even though she was happy and it was a dream house but I was never allowed any friends over at all ever but never understood why?? so since I was under a roof where the only thing I was allowed to do was go see my dad so you can imagine how much I cut loose when we were free or I was free. to be continued .  

Thursday, 23 August 2012

1st try at blog to get my story out to the world

Need some help on getting my story out, ever since I was 23 I lost my mother to the world of the missing here is the link>< and have went threw 46 surgeries and I have handled all that plus 3 rapes but two years ago my world come falling down, my husband died in my arms at the age of 36 , he came back from getting my pills at the pharmacy and told me baby call a ambulance I am dying and of course I knew something was wrong but for sure he wasn't gonna die well as soon as the ambulance got there he died that moment , he stayed with me until they got there and I told myself shit I can't take this pain no more but once again I was hanging in there getting a little better each day as so I thought and his mom and his sister asked me to stay cuz we were taking care of Tonya's children 3 and 6 while she was in the national guard and they wanted me to stay for the boys so they wouldn't lose a aunt too, well one night two months later I heard my sister in law scream Deb get shaylynn my dog and go out the back cuz we (my late husband and I) lived in the back of the house, the house was on fire, so I looked into the living room and seen the flames so I went to let my dog out and I seen my sister in law running towards the front door with Tyler the 6 year old well my dog did a 180 and she jumped on my back and knocked me down the stairs outside well I tried to go back in and my dog showed me her teeth which she never ever did before so I touched the door and it burned my hand I seen my sister going out the front so I wanted to get my late husband ashes, so me and Shaylynn got stuck in the back yard the snow was blocking the gate so I used my hand for a shovel like, so by the time we got out of the back and meanwhile I called 911 on my cell which i happened to be saying nite to a friend when she screamed fire thank God or was it?? so the firemen went in they were in there a whole 10 minutes and they came back out and asked me would I please come down to the station and I said why what's wrong I had a very bad feeling so I went then I seen the american red cross and a preacher my heart dropped to the floor saying to God oh no God please nooooooooo and they set me down and told me they all were dead on the stairs, my sister ran up stairs to get Patrick the 3 year old that we raised for 2 years (tears) they went up there to sleep so she was getting them and it wasn't the dang fire it was the carbon that killed all 4 of them, here is the link well one of them I also did one interview just too tell people please get smoke detectors at first I wouldn't do it I knew I wouldnt be able to hold it together but here is one of them << and to this day I dont know where I belong or what to do?? I keep asking myself why me why aren't I dead and I really want to be dead, but I re-married my best friend from canada and I still am so lost and messed up this feels like its not my life and I know in my heart It's too messed up I need something to give or I am gonna snap I feel like i shouldn't be here , I don't know how much more I can take or if I have taken too much already is there someone that can help me, I was gonna write a book my counselor seems to think it will help but I am in no way myself so lost please please help if you can.

Sincerely Deborah Molitor/ Monsinger

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

bitter sweet love on fubar: Way to much death & heartbreak for one person

bitter sweet love on fubar: Way to much death & heartbreak for one person: Deb's r/l luvs & marriages on    ( edit  |  delete ) This is a real life...

bitter sweet love on fubar: have to choose between pain and true love

bitter sweet love on fubar: have to choose between pain and true love: Wow, This is something I never thought I would have to do?? my life finally started to get better and my hear is finally filled with so mu...

have to choose between pain and true love(crippled by pain)


This is something I never thought I would have to do?? my life finally started to get better and my heart is finally filled with so much love for my husband but now I am torn between hurting everyday of my life in so much unbearable physical pain and true love , I went to the doctors today at our clinic which is a great clinic and I would recommend it to anyone they really care. but the one doctor today informed me that pain meds are very bad for me and of course I know that but having a stroke isn't either I am not the normal person that has a headache or backache I have a very serious and painful disease pseudotumor cerebri .
and level 5 nerve damage due from over 300 spinal taps to relieve the fluid off of my brain and just had shoulder surgery and in need of neck surgery at level c56 c67 all together I have had 46 surgeries and I hate going to new doctors I feel like a junkie just because I don't want to live my life in so much pain and I feel they hear my story and don't either believe me or they judge me even though I had a great doctor there I listened to someone and switched from Dr Daniel to a Different doctor there BIG MISTAKE.   and what made me not want to see her again was the fact they are getting new counselors and It would be at least six months before they got one so she told me to go to emerg and tell them I was gonna kill myself omg no way cuz I have been fighting to stay alive one surgery after another, but knowing that clinic like I do they will find a way to help me.

Seems my life is filled with emotional pain and physical pain but I can't take them both, there are nights or days when yes I do think I can't handle this physical pain and my new doctor said with natural healing I would be fine and yes I do wished she was right but I went down that road before and tried like hell but the pain sent me into a stroke then another stroke so after the 3rd stroke the doctors knew my pain was to great but now I have very high blood pressure which its been pretty good lately , so what do I do stay in canada where I have no insurance and very little money to stretch every month or go back to the states where the doctors know what true pain is like and they know me??

They have did so many tests to prove my pain is very real, right now I just want to give up and let this messed up life win, I am so tired of fighting and being strong for what?? my husband omg I adore him but what kind of wife can I be when I can't go on picnic's swimming ex ex, I am crippled by my pain, I wished to God there was a human doctor that I could see that would read my medical records and realize I been having surgery after surgery for 22 years a total of 46 , I am so lost and confused with my life already that I don't know what to do, they must think I just wanta get stoned or something and if that was the case I would use drugs there everywhere and I heard cheaper but  I am not a drug addict I just want the pain to be down to a 5 and give me a chance for damn once to be HAPPY!! yea thats one word I guess I don't know.

I live in the midland Ontario area if anyone knows a compassionate doctor or at least a decent doctor please let me know, I need to talk it over with my husband on what we can do because living in this much pain is just heading me straight into another stroke and I don't want my husband to have to see that the last one paralyzed my right side it took 6 months before I could leave the hospital, the last 22 years have been spent in and out of the hospitals surgery after surgery, if your reading this please please keep me in your prayers and thank you for reading my real life story. 

Sincerely Deborah Monsinger ( Molitor )

Sunday, 19 August 2012

The day that changed my life part 3

So were were we back at the motel, after all the thinking I did about how damn close me and my late husband were, we done everything together where you seen one of us you seen the other and I knew in my heart I couldn't get that lucky again and to now have the whole damn family be gone was just not fair to me I guess I wanted to go too, so over the following week the plans were being made for me to fly to Washington with my dog Shaylynn to my friends house Bill Green, he opened his home to my dog and I, he had just lost his wife a couple of months before I lost my husband so he knew what I was going threw and that's why we connected on the internet on tagged, I had wrote a blog on saying in need of a friend that knows loss, there was alot of people that responded but his was true and trusting so we became real close friends, and I can never pay that man back for what he did for us and whats a shame is he is now homeless they foreclosed on his house after his wife died and no one is helping him and that's just not how karma is suppose to work, he is in Seattle Washington if anyone can offer him work or a room, I wished I knew what to do but it's hard from Canada but I at least can let everyone that reads this know what kind of a gentle man he is and how kind to take a total stranger in his home, Bill I thank you and will always have a place in my heart for you and I hope someone helps you get on your feet like you helped me pay it forward, because I don't know what would of happened if I would of had to lose my dog as well but again thanks to Bill we got to stay together, please bare with me I know i am gonna forget things and have to go back and forth but I will get it all out there, so after months went by and I was trying to be a person a empty very empty person with no future plans but to return to my hometown Middletown Ohio was my only plan but first a friend asked me to come visit in Cincinnati Ohio which I did and Bill drove me and my dog and it was a big mistake you can never trust just anyone that's why I am a little shocked I came to Canada  but I was following my heart, but anyways I stayed a few weeks and then I found out this so called friend wanted to marry me, MARRY ME??? wth I thought what am I some kind of pass around Sally grrrr what is wrong with some men so I knew I had to get my dog to safety because they (his roomate and his mom) had made threats on my dog and one nite followed threw and I went down and her neck was cut not bad but bad enough to let me know we were both is danger so I made a plea on tagged and facebook for someone to please take her of course I didn't want to lose the last of my family but damn I couldn't see her dead too and I knew because I told him no way to marriage that he would kill her, so this one woman Kathy Guzik from Cleveland, Ohio ...
she said she would come that night and she would take care of her and omg when I met her I felt in my heart this woman really cares and Shaylynn really cared about her as well, but then that was the beginning of my self destruction  mode and she even tried to let me stay there and God bless her heart she couldn't watch me go down that suicidal road and being drunk to numb the pain but she and I are very very close friends and I never want to lose her, Thank you Kathy for everything you did and tried to do your the best, so now here I was in Ohio and lost once again but now without my dog or anyone so I talked to Bill he said come back home awwww and that's just what I did and then I pulled myself back up once again and I am here to tell you no matter what you have it in you to pull yourself up but truthfully one more time and I don't know if I can say that I really Don't, If there is any questions that anyone has I would be glad to answer them and please feel free to ask and now it's time to work on my book, but I have to give credits first to cuz of them I found two loves of my lifes and to Kath Guzik and to  Bill Green and last of all to my wonderful best friend and husband Shawn Monsinger.

Sincerely Deborah Monsinger ( Molitor ) 

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

The day that changed my life part 2

So we were all trying to heal from the loss of my late husband and Mom's son and Tanya's brother and of course the boys uncle, as the holidays came and went just like any other day nothing special I was setting in my room one day and our nephew the six year old came into my room and said don't be sad aunt Deb I will be your husband since uncle Mickey is in heaven and that touched my heart like nothing else could and I knew right then and there I could not sit and hide in our room no more that them kids needed me because there mom tonya was in the national guard and she worked everyday and so did the grandma so I was all they had, so everyday it was getting a little easier throwing myself into taking care of them precious kids and things were going a little better for all of us until!!!! the unthinkable happened!!!

I was on the phone with a friend I met on the internet and was on my way to sleep and I heard my sister in law SCREAM FIRE!! she came in my back room and said get shaylynn (my dog) out and you go out the back were headed out the front so I in panic went to let my dog out and she came around me and jumped up on my back and knocked me out the door down the back stairs and I got up to go back in to help her and my mother in law get the boys but my dog once again acted crazy and she got in front of me and showed me her teeth and she is such a harmless animal and so loveable so I thought she must know something I don't so I touched the door and it burned my hand it was red hotttt and I knew backdraft cuz I watched the movie, so i was gonna go around the front where i thought the family was but fist i called 911 first and when i tried to get out the back the fence was buried in about a foot of snow so i used my hands to dig it out so i could get the fence open which it seemed like it took a forever and my feet felt like they were frost bitten, I can remember asking God WHY?? haven't we been threw enough, and by the time i made it to the front the fire dept did too and they asked was there anyone in the house i said i don't know i seen my sister in law with tyler going towards the front door and maybe there three doors down at her ex hubbys house cuz it was so cold outside, then they went in and came out about 5 minutes to ten minutes after they went in and the police chief asked me would you please come down to the station with us and i said not right now i need to find my family and he said please please come with him so i for some reason said yes and when i got there he asked a few questions and i said i have to go find my family then i seen the American red cross and a preacher there and i looked at him and said WHO??? i knew in my heart one of them died but to my shook they were all on the stairs my mother in law with the keys to the truck in her hand , my sister in law had run up stairs to get her mom and patrick the 3 year old and the carbon monoxide had killed all four of them, at that point it was way to much to take in and i feel to the ground and cussed God out and said I am done no more I can not do this WHY NOT ME TOO??? why would God keep taking everyone I love and leave me to suffer and I truthfully don't think I will ever be the same, so they took me to a hotel and hid me from the news and told me to get some rest and we would figure everything out in the morning, I set in there and cried the whole night and yes I knew it was time for me to end the pain it was to much for me I had no one, my mother is missing, my father dead, im the only child all I had left was my dog, I have never been so hurt or scared and all alone all these feelings were something no one should have to feel, so yes i cut my wrist pretty good and i was staring at my laptop and i seen a message come up from the news and what 4th grade kids teacher had wrote about her kids they said why would God keep taking this ladys family and I knew I couldn't let them babies blame God so i wrapped my arm up and I wrote back to that teacher to tell them kids it wasn't God's fault then I knew I wasn't really blaming him either, then I got a message from one of my best friends online which was Shawn Monsinger and he stayed up and talked to me allnight long and he said think about all the people that would miss you and i said like who i have no one left and he said me for one and I thought to myself can I try life one more time?? but I have to close this blog for now cuz it's breaking my heart all over again but I know I have a couple of people to thank for why I am still here and one is Shawn and Bill at this point  .

The day that changed my life

As I write these blogs I am sure I am gonna go back and forth in time from things I forget to put in, My mind is so messed up still and trying to find my way in this world when i thought my life was all set the way is was gonna play out, but to my surprise life had a whole other plan for me and deep down yes I am mad at God, don't get me wrong I love God I am just very confused, one day I was happy and it was just a normal day and I sent me late husband to the pharmacy before we were leaving for the lake, he came back about a half hour later and he set on the bed and I looked over at him and said are you ok? He said no sweetie It's really hot in here and it was cold outside so he took his shirt off and said Deb look at me we have to talk and there isn't much time, I said ok go ahead and I never thought them words would come out of his mouth, he said I am gonna die and I said WHAT!! and I said of course your not gonna die and why would you say that, he said believe me i am dying now please listen to me, so I did and he said promise me you will find love again that he said I have way to much love yet to give that he wanted to see me happy again so of course I promised him but deep down I was thinking he must be having a panic attack but i will still scared because at the time we were the only ones home which i will get to that later, I called the ambulance and it seemed like it took forever and he laid in my lap and kept on telling me it was gonna be ok that he was dying a happy man and the minute the second the ambulance drivers got there his head feel over my arm, then i moved so they could get to him and he was limp with no heartbeat but I thought they will make him better, so they put him in the rig and the whole rig was shaking they were trying to get him back and even when we got to the hospital they keep on working on him and they had me leave the hospital room and then i seen a Chaplin walk in and i just thought he was a friend of his mom's which she worked at that same hospital and by then half the family was there, we were all in a specail waiting room and when the nurse came in and said we need the wife I was scared to death it was the longest walk down the hallway to his room, they got me in there and told me he was gone they wanted permission to stop cpr which i wouldn't give them at the time, after which felt like hours but was only 20 minutes I said STOP let him go , so i had his mom and his sister and I in the room alone with him with no doctors to say our goodbyes , I took a pair of scissors and cut a lock of his hair and put it in a bag to save, then i asked his mom and sister to leave the room so i could say my goodbyes and i laid my head on his chest and that's the most lost i think i ever felt but i knew i had to pull it together for the family, we had lived with his mom and sister and her two kids which me and my late husband raised for two years they were 3 and 6 at the time, after the funeral and everything had been taken care of I had planned on moving back to michigan see i had moved to Iowa with mickey (my late husband) so it only seem right to go back but his mom said she really needed to talk to me about staying, she said the boys Tyler 6 and Patrick 3 the nephews really couldn't lose there uncle then lose there aunt also so would I stay for the boys and my Lord of course there was only one answer YES, will continue this with a part 2.

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Friday, 3 August 2012

my missing Mother/ I will never forget

My Story-- by Debbie Hall

missing persons,Ruth Hoffman | Ruth Hoffman claimed she was raped on June 30 1986 Her daughter Debbie reported her mother missing the same day Ruth Hoffman overview

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Ruth Hoffman claimed she was raped on June 30, 1986. Her daughter, Debbie, reported her mother missing the same day.
On July 29, 1986, Mom had an appointment for a job interview [at a bar] in River Rouge, Michigan. Despite the fact that she was beautiful and a gifted musician and singer it was not easy for Mom to find work. In 1983, she had been diagnosed with a chemical imbalance in the brain and placed on medication to control schizophrenia. As long as she took her medication and lived a structured life, she did quite well, but potential employers didn't always understand that.
So she was very excited about this promising new job interview that day. At 11 p.m. when she wasn't home yet, I called the bar to see if she was still there. They said she had left an hour ago. When it got to be 2 a.m. and she still wasn't home, I started calling hospitals and the local police station. I stayed up all night pacing the floor.
As she left the apartment she told me, "Those bastards won't get away with this." That was the last time I ever saw my Mom.

Bruised And Battered Victim Disappears

missing persons,Ruth Hoffman | An artist painted this rendition of Debbie and her mother when she was a child Debbie has few pictures of her mother and herself together Ruth Hoffman overview

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An artist painted this rendition of Debbie and her mother when she was a child. Debbie has few pictures of her mother and herself together.
The next morning a yellow cab pulled up in front of our apartment. When I saw my Mom was in it, I gave a huge sigh of relief. However, when she got out of the cab, I saw she was wearing hospital scrubs and was so bruised and battered that it looked like she'd been in a car wreck. She was shaking and crying hysterically and told me that she had been raped and beaten. She said the owner of the bar had promised her the job and began flirting with her. He and a friend told her "let's have some fun" and my mom told them to take their hands off of her. Then they began hitting her and knocked her down to the floor. She said they took turns raping her for hours.
After my Mom took her bath, she put her makeup on and got dressed. I asked her where she was going and she just said for a walk. As she left the apartment she told me, "Those bastards won't get away with this." That was the last time I ever saw my mom.

Determined Daughter Will Not Lose Hope

missing persons,Ruth Hoffman | This sketch shows Ruth as she may look at age 64 Ruth Hoffman overview

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This sketch shows Ruth as she may look at age 64.
Today Mom would be 64. I'm sure wherever my Mom is she remembers only fragments of her past. But I haven't forgotten a thing.
I am my Mom's only child and her loss leaves a big black hole in my life. The last I learned of my Mom was that she received a traffic ticket on October 4, 1986, in Belleville, Michigan for making an improper turn and driving with an expired license. She was using the name "Ruth Sharon Russie." By the time we could follow up on the address of the ticket Mom was gone.
I will never stop looking for her, and, when I find her, I will make sure that somebody pays for this terrible injustice.

Age at Disappearance:
Current Age:
5' 5"
135- 150 lbs.
Hair (Color, Description, Facial Hair):
  • Gray / White
  • Ruth's hair color may be dyed.
  • Blue
Other Phys. Characteristics:
  • Ruth has pierced ears.
  • Ruth has a dark circular shaped birthmark below her lef knee.
  • Ruth has very deep dimples.
  • Ruth may have top dentures.
Scars and Tattoos:
  • Ruth has a hysterectomy scar.
  • No known tattoos.
Traits and Habits:
  • Ruth's daughter says her mother has a chemical imbalance and suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. She was taking Lithium at the time of her disappearance. She would sometimes have problems with depression.
  • Ruth is a non-smoker and she rarely drank alcohol.
Last Seen:
  • River Rouge , MI
Other Possible Locations:
  • River Rouge , MI 


Ruth Hoffman claimed she was raped on June 30, 1986. Her daughter, Debbie, reported her mother missing the same day.
An artist painted this rendition of Debbie and her mother when she was a child. Debbie has few pictures of her mother and herself together.
This sketch shows Ruth as she may look at age 64.

Anyone with any information about my missing mother please contact me please.

Thursday, 2 August 2012

bitter sweet love on

Way to much death & heartbreak for one person

Deb's r/l luvs & marriages on  (edit | delete)

This is a real life story (mine) I have finally decided to write the book they been wanting me too with the big help from my publisher, I'm not a writer so this will be the short version but you will get the picture.

I grew up on a farm and loved life to the fullest i started young having my own family i was a mother at 16 married at 18 life was great until one day when i was 23 my mother my best friend came up missing my world come crashing down and life as i knew it would never be the same, so i went on a personal mission to find my mom got her on Americas most wanted well her story all the way to her pics on the side of nascars (Ruth Hoffman)full story on amw.
But anyways i went out bought the best internet at the time and put her all over the net and i of course got divorced and remarried during this heartache, I stumbled across and thought hmmm i wonder if i can put her face here but instead i found support for myself and so many people that cared and i met a man called sr dark knight aka Mickey Molitor and we were friends for awhile until we talked about meeting so he came to michigan to see me we fell in love and i moved to Iowa with him.
I was awaiting my divorce to a mean man so we could get married we finally got married and 90 days after we were married this man my husband died in my arms(law jones obit's/Mickey Molitor)my world was once again turned upside down and i had about given up but my mother in law begged me not to leave cuz of our nephews Patrick Molitor 2 and Tyler Molitor 6 so i said i would stay a little longer then one night about oh God i can't even remember we were going to bed and i heard my sis in law scream Deb get out the house is on fire and our room was in the back of the house so i went to let my dog out and she done a 180 and came from behind me and knocked me out the door.I couldn't get back in cuz the door was red hotttt and i thought they went out the front (house-fire claims four Clinton Iowa) they all died that night.
So i knew this was it life was over i was beat i had given up i couldn't deal with no more pain and i was saying goodbye to my best friend Shadow aka Shawn Monsinger and yes i tried to take my Life until a sign from God happened so Shawn talked to me for hours trying to get me to hang in there and he sent me a link that grade school kids wrote on twitter saying why would God take this lady's family and i couldn't have them kids think that so i wrapped my arm up went to the e.r and got my arm stitched and Shawn told me to come to Canada and and once again being the runner like I always did when I was badly hurt I would run so Canada here I come.. and he ask me to honor him and be his wife of course I accepted thinking this must be my new destiny and that was a year after but  people life is what you make it no matter what life has to go on and God has a plan for all of us.. I don't know my destiny yet?? I am single now and starting Life all over but I have four months to finish my Book and I will come back here and update and fix alot of Typos and wrong dates  , thank you for reading my  online Bio on my life story stay tuned for the book.
Sincerely Deborah Lynn Monsinger (Molitor)